Random Scubalon

I know you have been anxiously waiting for me to dust off the old overrated/underrated computer and evaluate some of the most pressing issues/personalities/trivialities of our times.  Please remember these rankings are done w/o personal bias or any animous.  They are scientifically verifiable, and you should not try them at home.  So, for now - ON WITH THE RANKINGS!

First up:

The movie Alien vs. Predator - Overrated.  When a movie basically tells you who wins in the title, it will always end up being overrated no matter how lowly it was rated to begin with.  Here’s the thing, Predator went into the jungle and fought two governors and Apollo Creed.  Now to make things worse one of those governors was Arnold, and Predator gave the former Mr. Olympia all he could handle in what was essentially a road game for the Predator (he also gets bonus points for the cool dreads).  So, what did Alien ever do?  Had its foe severly outnumbered playing only home games and gets its butt repeatedly kicked by a chick?  Please!  Pathetic.

Criminal Minds - Underrated.  This is simply the best show on television.  If you watch television and you don’t watch this show you should have your cable cancelled and broadcast channels blocked from your TV and be left to watch PBS until you learn to appreciate true entertainment.

New England Patriot quarterback Tom Brady - In what is a first in the long history of underrated/overrated we have a new designation - rated.  Mr. Brady is a truly exceptional athelete that has made spectacular plays for his team.  He should be ranked right where he is as the second best quarterback playing football today (For my friend Richard just so you know every GM in the game would take Manning over Brady just like they did in the draft).  If Brady were to retire now I know he is a first ballott HOFer and they should be dusting off a place for him in Canton right now.

Reality Television - Overrated.  Let me be honest - all reality television stinks! (Again, not my opinion, science at work here people.)  Some of you may protest that most of it stinks but that there are good shows.  You are clearly wrong.  Most of these shows have people of questionable morals competing for large amounts of cash that they haven’t worked for, all the while lying, cheating and stabbing each other in the back.  We have a name for people who do that - Congressmen.  So, I don’t care if they are surviving, Idoling, big brothering, or amazing racing (or whatever else) ~ just go away and take your smarmy, diminutive hosts with you (and please don’t run all-star or celebrity versions of your stupid shows)!

Gas Grills - Overrated.  This pains me to say this because I love the convenience of the gas grill, but stuff cooked over an open fire made up of coals, or hickory wood just tastes better.  I will continue to use gas grills, but I will know that if I worked harder I could have a better tasting steak.

Captiol City Chorus - Underrated.  Some of you think that because my wife sings in this chorus that I am just saying this to stay in her good graces.  You know, some of you are very cynical and I think you should get professional help for this problem.  The science says they are the number 10 rated female barbershop chorus in the world, and I’ve heard some of the competition . . . CCC should be ranked higher!  If you are in the Indy area I recommend you catch one of their shows!  It’s a good time!

That’s it for this episode of overrated/underrated.  Tell me what you think (not that it will matter, because the rankings cannot be questioned).

Jenny,  Abby, and I went camping this weekend with my brother David, his wife Missy, and their daughter Sarah.  Now when I say camping I mean “no phones, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury” kind of camping.  We cleared some land in the woods, cut up a downed tree for fire wood, and dug a hole for our ”necessary room”.  We had fun trying to figure out how to put up our new tent, but it went up w/o too much trouble and we had a great time.  We made smores, sang songs, and told stories around the camp fire.  Now when you are a member of our family there are a few things that are unique.  You see it was not enough for the uncles of my brother and me to tell us “boogey man” stories.  No, we had to have a boogey man that was dedicated to our family and wanted to kill just us.  It seems that one Hanky Pocus had a long unsettled feud with my maternal grandfather and was now reaching out from beyond the grave to settle that score.  There are a couple of advantages to having your own personal boogey man (that is if you are the one telling the story- not the poor kid listening to it).  The primary advantage is that you are not bound by geography.  That’s right - good ol’ Hanky was just as likely to kill you in your own bed as he was to get you in the woods, and if you were riding in a car with my uncle Tom on back roads at night you would swear not only did you just see him, but he was on top of the car!  So, this weekend I had the choice to let the legend die or pass him along to the next generation and scare my sweet innocent 5 year old daughter out of her wits.  I am happy to report - HANKY LIVES!!!!

As weird as it sounds Hanky Pocus has helped draw a life-long cord around my cousins and me.  Whenever we get together (which is not often enough and, sadly, mainly at funerals) talk will eventually get around to what we laughed about and cried about and were scared about.  Now I am the next to youngest of a boat load of cousins, and we always seemed to live the farthest away so I don’t have a lot of the memories they made together, but I am an equal partner in the “Hanky Pocus scared the life out of me” club.  Now, so is my daughter.  I loved being with my family this weekend, going on nature walks, and cooking around an open fire, but I also loved passing on a family tradition even as twisted as this one.  By the way - I miss my uncle Tom.

 ***Check out the female version of this trip here!!!

Not much time today,but I had to tell a story.  Was driving around with my daughter last night when we started playing a new game that she and her cousins made up.  You see, Abby is 5 years old and is always making up new games to play as we drive (among the favorites are"American Flag" and "Hiking").  This new game is based on the movie "Cars" which we just took her to see.  The rules are simple: Find a car that looks like one from the movie; yell out the character name; add that to your total of cars found.  The player with the most cars at the end of the trip wins!  Seeing how "Lightning McQueen" is the star of the movie, and Abby counts any red two-door car as a "Lightning McQueen", those are racked up rather simply.  As we drove down the road all manner of beat-up 4 cylinder pansy cars were being scored as "Lightning McQueen's", and I was trying to get Abby to understand the difference between  a sports car and, say, a red '91 Cellica.  Well, on one of our stops we walked out to the car, and parked beside us was a beautiful red sports car with very similar lines to the movie car.  So I said "Abby, now THERE is a Lightning McQueen." 

Then she said "No, Daddy, Lightning McQueen didn't have one of those black things on it."

Then I explained "Honey, that's just a leather cover for the front of the car to prevent bugs and small rocks from damaging the paint job.  It's called a bra"

To which she replied "Then doesn't that make it MRS. Lightning McQueen?"

Touche, Abby, Touche!

My good friend Richard has recommeded this blog on his blog and has posted what my wife thinks is the best picture I've ever taken.  If you are new to this blog I think it is important you know the differences between my blog and Richard's

1.  Mine's better.

2.  Richard gives thoughtful posts on relevent topics that provoke thought.  I, on the other hand, make brash statements on things only I care about that provoke outrage.

3.  Richard enjoys the dialogue that can occur after a particularly moving post and wants to hear your comments.  Me? - not so much.

4. Richard will send you a book if you answer trivia questions correctly.  Here you get nothing but heaps and heaps of scubalon (metaphorically speaking).

5.  There is one similarity between my blog and Richard's.  There are no sacred cows on either blog.  We both take grilling a good steak far to seriously to allow such a thing.

Hope you enjoy!

I don't pretend to be a parenting expert, nor do I intend on playing one on the internet.  I was just so moved by a piece I read on www.espn.com that I want to recommend it to you.  I happened upon it because I wanted to catch some World Cup scores and as the page came up I saw there was a feature article on Tony Dungy.  Of course, I am a rabid Colts fan so I read it.  It was titled Amazing Grace and was a candid and personal interview on how his faith is helping deal with the loss  of his James to suicide.  You don't have to be a football or Colts fan to be impacted by the testimony of this man.  If you have a minute read it.  Have a great Father's day.

Well, I am very excited to add this new feature.  It is called overrated/underated where I will evaluate people/sports teams/political movements/books as to whether they are over-hyped (or overrated) or under-appreciated (or underrated).  There will be no set number of items evaluated.  All decisions in this feature are final - you may disagree in the comment section, but you will be judged to be wrong.  The blogger reserves the right to change his mind on an item if public perception changes about that item, or if he is ranking them in a different category (i.e. For instance, as a war hero John Kerry is overrated, but as a medically-approved sleep aid he is severly underrated).  You may suggest items to be evaluated, but because this is such important scientific work there is no guarantee that I will even acknowledge your suggestion (but I probably will).

 So, here it goes -

       Oprah Winfrey - overrated - This may be a bit unfair as she is the most rated person in America it seems, but it just seems the few times I do see her on TV I just don't get it.  Maybe if she gave me a car I'd feel differently, but as it is… way overblown.

      MLS - (major league soccer) - underrated - Again, a bit obvious because it is hardly a blip on the radar screen, but for my money (of which I am not spending any) I would rather watch a MLS match than a regular season baseball game- the action in MLS is constant and the final score is the same.

      NASCAR - OVERRATED - those of you who know me know that I hate racing and you may think this is just prejudice on my part. Well, you're wrong.  I take these ratings far to seriously to allow myself to be swayed by my personal feelings.  All of these ratings are scientifically proveable.  Unfortunately the scientific equation is much too complicated for you to understand, so I can't share it here.

       Me as a blogger - underrated - Hey, these scientific equations don't lie.  I know this is only my third post, but I have found them all fascinating and I can't wait to see what I have to say next.

       My Wife - UNDERRATED - Some of you may think this a cheap ploy to get in my wife's good graces.  Do you ever get tired of being wrong?  We're talking science here.  Seriously, my wife wears a lot of hats: Wife, mom, employee, best friend, counselor, encourager, teacher, and lover.  She pulls off all of these with a grace that I admire and wonder at.  When I wake up in the morning and look across the bed and she is there, I know that no matter what happens this is going to be a good day.  Baby, you make me a better person.  I love you.

 There you go: my first installment of overrated/underrated.  Feel free to comment (the four of you who have ever read this blog).  I welcome your input, and I know you can't wait for the next installment where we will discuss - the movie Alien vs. Predator, the TV show Criminal Minds, and New England Patriot quarterback Tom Brady.

Recently, on a flight from Philadelphia, I had an occasion to share a seat with a professor of biology. (By the way, when I say "share a seat" I mean that in the most literal sense.  We literally sat together for 2 hours so closely that in some cultures we are legally married).  As we exchanged pleasantries I found out that he was on his way to a biology conference @ Purdue University (Go Boilers!). Naturally, I began to plot my evangelistic strategy.  Knowing his job and his employer (a Jesuit University), I was ready to discuss the authenticity and authority of scripture and to take my favorite tack with rational modernists.  Namely, that the proof of Genesis 1 is not what is in the ground (i.e. fossils) but what is not in the ground (the body of Jesus).  That way we can steer the topic to Christ and His person and doctrine and away from an argument of my faith vs. your science.  However, the conversation took a different tack when he told me he was Quaker and a universalist.  He told me he was really into spirituality but he didn't think it could be defined…  that he wouldn't waste his time on the eternal when there was so much to do right here and now.  In short, he saw a great benefit to religion and was really into worship as long as all religion ended you up in the same place and what you worshipped wasn't overly-defined.  In fact, he didn't like ANY thing overly-defined.  He even spent some time arguing for evolution (as a scientific tool) and against evolution (as a basis for public policy).  After all this, I had to remove my seat cushion to use as a flotation device while in this sea of reletivity.  I made several attempts at applying the gospel throughout this conversation.  I talked of Christ's claims of exclusivity (his answer?… maybe he was misquoted), I dealt with his personal need of dealing with issues of eternity (I'll find out when I get there), and I talked with great passion about that empty tomb - everything was very congenially rebuffed.  However, when we were about to land in Indy, things got interesting.  I mentioned the calm assurance I had in the face of changing tides and that it was this "hope" that kept me going.  That is when he turned to me and said, "That's my biggest problem.  I have a hard time keeping hope alive."  That's when it struck me.  When dealing with rational modernists they at least had the hope, as tenuous as it was, that science would solve their problems and technology would answer their prayers.  Our postmodern friends have nothing.  I wish I could say that he saw the hope that was in Christ and threw himself on God's mercy, but he didn't.  Maybe some day he will, or maybe he'll just wait and see and never taste God's mercy.  As for me, I have become more convinced that in my gospel presentations I should be ready to give an answer about the hope that is in me.

I begin my blogging career on the same day that it was announced that the U.S. had killed al-Zaqarwi in Irag.  My immediate response as an American was to rejoice that an enemy of my people had been killed.  Indeed, I found little to mourn in the death of a man that had been responsible for killing hundreds if not thousands of my countrymen (not to mention scores of innocent Iraqi's & misguided/evil suicide bombers).  However, I was then confronted by another thought.  Wasn't this individual with all his evil intent and murderous ways also an image-bearer of the almighty God?  As much as he devalued life and contributed to the defacing of that image he possessed, but did not hold dear, does that not in itself make him worthy of mourning?  Then I was momentarily left in an ethical quandry.  Should I glory in my country's gain or should I mourn the loss of a depraved individual who died outside of God's grace?  As I am not given to incredible amounts of introspection I tried to apply life principles to come to a satisfactory conclusion.  My thinking went this way -

                               1.  My Sovereign God is motivated by His glory.

                               2.  My Sovereign God receives glory when the evil are destroyed.

So, if my God decided to send al-Zaqawri two 500 lb. personal invitations to hell, courtesy of the United States Military, I respond by saying "it is the Lord's doing, It is marvelous in our eyes."