I declare myself a free agent July 24, 2006
Posted by increditony in Uncategorized.trackback
I have recently received two offers to join a fantasy football league. I have never been a part of fantasy football although I hear it is lots of fun. A lot of times the reasoning goes like this “Tony, you’ve got to play FF because it gives you a reason to watch that miserable MNF match-up between the Bears and the Packers.” OK, here’s the thing, I don’t need a reason to watch that game, because as my wife can attest I’m going to watch it until the end because I love watching NFL football!! To be honest I’m going to watch it even if it is a pre-season game. However, seeing how two of my favorite guys that graduated wearing pink tassels (on their mortar boards) have asked me to join their respective leagues I am declaring myself a Fantasy Football Free Agent. So, anybody that has a league that thinks I should join it you are free to sign me. I need to have a compelling reason to join the ranks of the Fantasy Footballers, and I need to know why yours is the league for me (also, a signing bonus won’t hurt). So, much like all of the Colts draft picks I am unsigned and waiting for an offer. Training camp is right around the corner so don’t wait to long.
Yes, I can attest that he will watch any and EVERY football game possible. He even watches the European league. And now he’s gotten me hooked. Which is a good thing, I guess.
The league speaks for itself, Tony. But let me give a couple of reasons…
1. It’s a league that has great prizes with no cash to get in.
2. It’s a league with people you actually know – enhancing the interaction (read -Smak talk).
3. There are some great football minds in our league (in fact, my wife is the reigning champ). I don’t think that even your superior football intellect and intuition could possibly know her off that.
4. Live, real time draft. Intense, yet enjoyable…
Those are 4 great reasons. But the best reason of all is that our League name will be something like “I Hate the Bears.” I’m open to suggestions, though…
#3 – That should read “knock” instead of know :;
Okay, my turn:
1. I’ve actually graduated to a scarlet tassel, so Dicky is pinky all by himself.
2. We don’t let women into our league.
3. We also have a live draft, but only 30 seconds per person, so it doesn’t turn into a long, boring, waiting, waste of time.
4. We use ESPN’s game.
5. With SI’s league, you get to talk smak with people all over the country, not just in the Midwest. Many more people to offend…and all on a national forum!
6. I hated you long before DIcky ever had a chance to.
7. We don’t allow male members to “knock off” female members, since we don’t have any to begin with.
8. There are very few great football minds in our league, so it’s easier for you to WIN!
9. You can make any changes you feel are necessary in our league setup (except letting women in) pre-draft and I will make them for you. In effect, you could be co-commissioner of the league.
10. Did I mention that we don’t allow women into our league?
Due to Brian’s reasons Nos. 2, 7, 9, and 10, I am joining Richard’s league. Also because of Reason 5…there’s NO ONE better than midwesterners.
Also, shedding some light on #8…that’s probably BECAUSE you don’t allow females.
Count me in, Richard!
Brian:
Just for fun, I will extend an entry for you to join our league as well. Let’s see if your talk holds up!!!!
Wow,
Brian and Richard both have cogent arguments. I like talking smack with people that I get to see and put down. However, offending people across the nation is very tempting (BTW, Brian, are there missionaries involved in your league? Because I haven’t ticked people off internationally in a long time and I kind of miss it). Oh, Richard, I should tell you that I told Brian you were talking smack about his league that’s probably why he came at you. I’m still undecided and I would entertain rebuttals by both individuals.
Oh, Brian, I may have missed the color of your tassel, but let’s not act like that scarlet string makes you an iron worker, piano boy!!
Dicky,
Sorry, but I only play in male chauvinistic leagues.
Tony,
The color makes a difference. Trust me. I’ve never felt better than when I threw that pink tassel away.
As far as rebuttals go, I will take issue with Dicky’s #1 and #3, since I don’t #2 and #4 carry any weight.
Our league doesn’t need prizes to fill team slots. I have people across the country begging to get in. There’s 20 teams and I almost have them all filled (saving one for you, of course). We play for the love of the game and the title rights to being the champion. Of course, if YOU thought we needed a prize, I would be happy to put a Starbucks card in the mix.
Regarding the “great minds” argument, I guess that might entice some people who like solving crossword puzzles (Jenny), and the finer points of strategerie. I happen to think we have some great minds for sure but also enough weenies to beat up on for their utter stupidity in roster selection. Is it more fun to outthink your opponent or just to clobber them upside the head?
Fact of the matter is: you can have your fun beating up on “people you know.” But is that really a challenge? Come on, really? For you? How about expanding the skubalon across the fruited plains? Trash-talking never had it so good.
BTW, I’m sure I can throw a missionary or two onto the fire for you as bait!
Brian:
Thank you so much for the nickname. I was hoping for something a little more original than my dead grandfather’s name (and I’m more than willing to let it die with him)… However, I’ll let you hang onto your title as “pink tassled piano boy.”
Tony, tell you what – join both and then write an article about your experience in both. I don’t think that it will matter, buy my guess is that it will read something like “I had the skubalon kicked out of me in both leagues.”
Rchard,
I assume you’re right about getting the skooby kicked out of me because I am new to this. However, you must realize I keep score differently. To me life is all about the people you meet, get a chance to get to know, and then offend them deeply.
If that’s the end game, Congragtualations! Mission accomplished.
Well done, FT!!
So? Have you reached a decision, Tony? I have two slots left in the East Division.
I have decided to take stomps advice and join both. Gentlemen, please instruct me on how this works. Richard, how have I offended you lately? It’s not that I want to mend fences – I just like to keep track.
I’m sorry – I meant only to agree with your stated goal of offending the masses. I think you have a prodigious talent for such, you stinking lousy rook player!
Send me your real email address and I’ll send you the league name and password. If you don’t have our address, I think Jenny does.
Stomps,
Me “a stinking lousy rook player”? How can I be lousy? I even carried you to a win!
BTW, it’s not how bad or good I am at rook, but how horrible you are at Poker!
So you don’t dispute the “stinking” part I take it?
I’m sorry. I thought that the “stinking” was modifying the “lousy”. I didn’t understand them to be seperate charges, so if I cleared myself of the “lousy” I clearly debunked the “stinking”. However, if I am to understand that “stinking” is a seperate charge unto itself let me retort by saying my hygene is impeccable and my scent so desirable that even my “randon scubalon” doesn’t stink.
Hey – free agent – when are you going to sign??
Still waiting…
Sorry, I’ve been away from my computer. Will get to it today.
[...] This weekend is it – and I am dropping the gauntlet. Recently there was much discussion with my arch enemy Tony over the joining of fantasy football leagues. He joined ours. [...]