Back by popular demand – the NFL version of Overrated/Underrated

I can tell by the frenzied beating of the drums that the natives are getting restless.  So, I am left with a dilemma – publish a new O/U or let them sacrifice a virgin.  Well, here at Random Scubalon we have a long history of opposing human sacrifice.  So, without further ado – the NFL version of Overrated/Underrated. 

(Just a quick explanation to the O/U uninitiated – these are not my opinions on these subjects.  These ratings are fed through powerful super-computers specifically designed to determine the actual “value” of certain persons, places, things, or ideas as opposed to the hype that they generate.  The reason you can’t do this is only I have access to the computers and the super-secret formulae needed to make them work. You can’t imagine the chaos that would occur if these tools fell into the hands of our enemies like al Quaida or the New York Times. These rankings are science in its purest form.  They can’t be questioned.  On an unrelated note, it has occurred to me that I said I would get to the NFL O/U “without further ado”.  This explanation clearly qualifies as “ado”, and for that I apologize.)

Retirement of Commissioner Paul Tagliabue – Underrated– This guy not only led the NFL to become the #1 sport in America, but he held together a system that allowed for free agency, allowed small-market teams to have a legitimate chance to compete for a title, and provided uninterrupted labor peace.  I know the new guy is supposed to have all these credentials, but if in five years teams like KC, Indy, TN, Cincy and GB can’t compete because of competitive imbalance then that will be a blow from which the NFL will not easily recover.

The entire NFC – Overrated– Sorry, but this is one weak football conference.  The best they will have to offer is Carolina.  Carolina stinks!  Their quarterback is Jake Delhomme.  Here’s a guy who caught lightning in a bottle for a few playoff games.  Let me be frank – the lightning has run out of the bottle.  They will win that division because they are the best of the JV teams in that group, but they are not even a good team.  That will be exposed this year.  It has also been said that the NFC east is the best division in football.  Just because there is not one “bad” team in the division by NFC standards does not mean the division is anything more that spectacularly mediocre.  Philly will be lucky to win five games and the Cowboys are one T.O bad hair day away from being 6-10.  In the Snyder era Washington always looks good in August but that only has translated in one playoff appearance, and what T.O is to Dallas Shockey is to the Giants.

The Detroit Lions – Underrated– Please try to contain your shock.  Here is a team that has QB issues, WR issues, and has been on the coaching carousel.  Also, don’t forget that they also have what possibly is the worst front office in the league after the Raiders.  But, don’t forget what they do have going for them – they play in division that is truly weak and something I like to call “professional sports momentum.”  PSM is a phenomena that occurs when one sports franchise in a city gets good and creates an environment where other sports franchises in that same city start to improve as well.  Detroit seems to be in that groove right now.  A few years ago every team in D-town was not doing well (with the possible exception of the Red Wings, but who really cares?).  Then the Pistons get really good and win a championship.  They spend the next two years challenging for championships.  Along comes this baseball season – All of a sudden the Tigers have the best record in the American League.  I don’t know why it seems to happen this way (other current examples are Indy of the mid ’90s and Boston of the early ’00s.), but it does happen sometimes.  The Lions are going to get a big PSM push that will have them competing for a playoff spot late in the year.

The Cincinatti Bengals – Overrated and  Underrated– I must admit the computers were a little perplexed by this one.  As an NFL team they are way overrated.  However, the computers do pick them as three touchdown favorites over any team in the Ohio State Penitentiory System.  Word to the wise – take the points.  (If you don’t get the above rating it may help to know that 5 different Bengal players have been arrested this off -season with one of their draft picks leading the league with 4 arrests in 3 states since December.)

Ben Rothlisberger – Overrated– Please, please, please contain your whining Steelers fans!  There is no room for your raw emotion when we are engaged in science.  Big Ben is a taller version of Jim Harbaugh.  As a Colts fan I loved Harbaugh.  He was tough, a good leader and made plays, but he was NOT A GREAT PLAYER.  Ben isn’t one either.  I hear you saying “But . . . but . . . he won a Super Bowl.”  No, he didn’t.  He took every opportunity to give that game away, but the only people that had a worse game than him were the guys in stripes that kept giving it back.  I will say this for him – he is the best tackling QB I’ve seen in a long time (not only did he tackle Nick Harper, but evidently a mini-van as well).

There you go – an entire NFL version of O/U.  I know you are thinking “What, no Colts?”      

                           #1  Would you please start thinking in complete sentences?

                           #2  There will be an all-Colts O/U before the season starts. (Boy, do I smell a lot of underrateds coming)